Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
