I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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