woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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