Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
