Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
