masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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