i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
4 words: hood of his car
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
