We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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