Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize