I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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