woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
