If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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