What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
God, I missed his penis.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
