A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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