Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
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His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
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I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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