No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
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I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
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Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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