my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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