I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
