So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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