the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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