You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
