How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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