new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
