Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
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before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
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She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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