thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
