I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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