so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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