But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize