You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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