his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
