im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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