I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
