I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
