There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
