I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
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You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
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Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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