I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
