R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
