Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
