life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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