Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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