so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
