I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I think I just sharted jello shots
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