Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
even my farts smell like vagina
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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