after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
