Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
