Have you finally orgasmed yet?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
