When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
