All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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