And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
