The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
