At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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