remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
