omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
