my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
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besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
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look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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