Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
