He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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