I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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