nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
