Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
