Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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