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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I looked at my own cervix.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
